M.I.A.

As a result of alot of stress that I've been under I took a little respite from blogging / vlogging / internet / basically anything except homework, housework, and Christopher.  I'm becoming increasingly stressed out with this pregnancy and discouraged because I feel so great!  With Christopher I was tired and miserable and constantly in the bath tub because of all of my aches and pains.  This time around I would love to be out walking etc but have been put on extremely limited activity.  It really bums me out.  It also makes me sad that the end of this pregnancy might not come about how I've been envisioning it:  sitting on the couch and suddenly feeling the first contraction and having the rush of excitement of "This is it!".  Not knowing when Baby Ryan will make his appearance.  With everything that's been going on it seems he's going to be forced to make his appearance within the next week and it makes me sad.  Happy that he's growing wonderfully and he looks healthy (from the ultrasounds and NST appointments); but sad.  My pregnancy is almost over and it's bittersweet.  I'm ready to hold him in my arms but will be sad that my baby bump will be gone and back to being plain old flab.  The more I read up on my Protein S deficiency the more it seems to be linked with early onset preeclampsia or mild forms of preeclampsia.  Proteinuria (protien in the urine) also concerns me because that means my kidneys arent' functioning correctly and I wonder if it's because of the pregnancy or if there was a problem before that?  And also how does it affect Ryan?  Ugh.  Well I take in my pee jugs again tomorrow so hopefully they will be able to tell me more about what's going on.  Topeka on Tuesday.  Can't believe I'm 36 weeks already!  This has flown by...