M.I.A.

As a result of alot of stress that I've been under I took a little respite from blogging / vlogging / internet / basically anything except homework, housework, and Christopher.  I'm becoming increasingly stressed out with this pregnancy and discouraged because I feel so great!  With Christopher I was tired and miserable and constantly in the bath tub because of all of my aches and pains.  This time around I would love to be out walking etc but have been put on extremely limited activity.  It really bums me out.  It also makes me sad that the end of this pregnancy might not come about how I've been envisioning it:  sitting on the couch and suddenly feeling the first contraction and having the rush of excitement of "This is it!".  Not knowing when Baby Ryan will make his appearance.  With everything that's been going on it seems he's going to be forced to make his appearance within the next week and it makes me sad.  Happy that he's growing wonderfully and he looks healthy (from the ultrasounds and NST appointments); but sad.  My pregnancy is almost over and it's bittersweet.  I'm ready to hold him in my arms but will be sad that my baby bump will be gone and back to being plain old flab.  The more I read up on my Protein S deficiency the more it seems to be linked with early onset preeclampsia or mild forms of preeclampsia.  Proteinuria (protien in the urine) also concerns me because that means my kidneys arent' functioning correctly and I wonder if it's because of the pregnancy or if there was a problem before that?  And also how does it affect Ryan?  Ugh.  Well I take in my pee jugs again tomorrow so hopefully they will be able to tell me more about what's going on.  Topeka on Tuesday.  Can't believe I'm 36 weeks already!  This has flown by...

35 Weeks Pregnant

Rawr. I'm going to eat you! ahhhh ---- KIDDING! I feel like it though. I'm huge and my hormones are psychotic (my hormones. NOT ME! ). Seriously! And I've been craving straight up junk food. Which is awful because I never want junk food. Also Ramen in the cup. Can't get enough of those highly sodium-ized things. How random is that? I'm edgy and just have to keep reminding myself to be patient with others and be nice even though I'm so grouchy. Especially with Christopher and Rob. Every little mess has me frazzled because I feel like Ryan could any time now and I want everything to be perfect!

  I *officially* have everything ready. Had to get more baby hangers for his closet. He seriously has so many outfits! I found 2 drawers of clothes that I had forgotten about and had to hang up. Also ordered a carseat canopy for him so he won't blow away in this crazy Kansas wind! Sterilized all the breast pump parts and every bottle. So we're 100% ready. Good thing -- considering he might be here next Saturday!!! At the earliest. He will definitely be here before my due date, though. Unless something miraculously changes! Nursery tour video tomorrow! Also watching Laugh and Learn about Childbirth for my romantic date with hubby this weekend. Woooo!!!


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i read about your story. i'm amazed =) i'm adopted and grateful; i think on some levels it really screwed me up....my biological mom died right away after i the whole idea of pregnant more than scares me any ideas how i can get over this?

I think pregnancy is a scary thing; regardless of how prepared or unprepared you are going into it. Whether it's planned or unplanned! Your whole life changes...but it's a wonderful change if you let go of everything and just embrace it =) Sometimes it's hard, and there will be days where it's downright miserable. Just trust that everything works out for a reason and find support; whether it's friends / family / or other mommies you meet! And definitely talk about your feelings! I think facing what scares you only makes you a stronger person! I think people who have a rougher past are also blessed...not that it's good when bad things happen... just that they give you the experience and knowledge about life that others might not ever have the chance to get. I wish you the best!!!

Life, love, kids, marriage, college, getting a job, growing up...ANYTHING! Ask away

The Longest Night Ever

Doing my 24 hour urinalysis...STILL.  I drank the fluids I was supposed to and so far have peed 4200 ml.  To me that seems like alot?  Anyways.

I'm not having a good night.  I'm totally swollen.  Homework is kicking my butt.  Ryan is poking his elbows and feet out of weird places and giving me Charley Horses in my belly.  And it honestly feels like the night is never going to end.  I feel like I haven't slept at all and yet like I've been sleeping for hours.  I went to bed at a little after 11.  Fell asleep.  Woke up at 12:40!  Couldn't fall back asleep til almost 2.  Felt like I've been sleeping for EVER...woke up....3:13!  My wrists have virtually disappeared.  I'm so swollen.  My toes are burning and itching; I think because my feet are swollen, too.  I'm having the WORST hot flashes and to top it off at 1 I was getting these sharp shooting pains 3 in above my pubic bone whenever Ryan turned his head.  I'm not sure if it was my cervix?  Whatever it was; it was excruciating and tears were just rolling down my face for thirty minutes.  My inner thighs / groin is cramping.  UGH. UGH. UGH.  Ok.  I just have to keep telling myself not much longer.  But this is the worst night.  I'm really thinking I don't have preeclamspia because my blood pressure has gone back to being low and only goes up to 135 at some points during the day.  I will be relieved once I have graduated so then I feel like Ryan can just come at any day.  I'm getting so exhausted. 

Diving In

I decided that today's the day.  Big boy underwear.  Christopher woke up this morning and I put him on the potty and then we scooted him off to his room to put on his big boy Thomas undies.  And guess what?  So far he's already successfully used the potty for #2!!  WOOHOO!  I haven't decided whether or not to try undies on him for nap-time.  But maybe that will come later on.  For the most part I just want him to go while he's awake.  Diapers / pull-ups are a killer on the budget and I can't wait to be rid of them!  Until Ryan gets here, anyway.

Sara's Hospital Bag

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The Pharmacy

Have I ever mentioned how much I absolutely HATE having to go to the pharmacy every month?  No?  Oh ok. Well I absolutely dread going to the pharmacy every month. 

Things I would rather do in place of going to the pharmacy:
-- Clean a public restroom
-- Drop a Thanksgiving turkey
-- Give up my cell phone for a month
-- Go in public without makeup
-- Listen to Reba McEntire songs for 1 hr
-- Have my toe run over by a car
-- Eat oatmeal
-- Shave off 1 eyebrow

Long story short:  I REALLY HATE going to the pharmacy. Let's break down how it usually goes.

Chase Christopher around the house.  Put on his socks and shoes.  Grab my car keys.  Purse? Check.  Wallet?  Check.  Military ID card? Check.  Put on Christopher's shoe again.  Turn lights off.  Did I leave my straightener on? ...*run upstairs to check.* (No. I didn't.) Pick up Christopher and head out door.  Go back in house because I forgot my purse.  Unlock car doors.  Put Christopher in carseat.  Listen to hysterical fit because we don't need to open the garage door.  Head to Post.  Wait in traffic at the Gate because -- of course! -- it's lunch hour.  Find a parking spot (easier said than done).  Put Christopher's shoes back on.  Haul him to the entrance to get a cart.  Wait in line for 45 minutes while convincing him not to scream at the top of his lungs, jump out of the cart, take off his shoes, or yell at the child in line behind us who's making a mess.  Walk through store for a little bit.  Christopher starts to get cranky.  Time to drive around in the car.  The park! Yes! Get to the park and as soon as Christopher's on the playground:  phone beeps.  Prescription's ready. @*$%.  Give Christopher a few minutes to play.  "Time to go!"  *Tantrum*.  Climb my 7-month-pregnant butt up to the top of the playground and haul a screaming / kicking 2-year-old to the car.  Buckle him in carseat.  "Poopies."  *Sniff*   Crap.  Literally.  Look around and decide to change the pullup outside of the vehicle as there are no restrooms anywhere.  Take shoes off.  Take pants off.  Take pullup off.  Poop on socks.  Take socks off.  Wipe butt.  New pullup.  Pants back on.  Haul upset little Christopher BACK into his carseat.  Go BACK to pharmacy.  *DEEP BREATH*  Find parking spot. HOW ARE THERE THIS MANY PEOPLE HERE?!?!  Mini meltdown.  Ahhhh...ok.  Better.  Get out.  Get Christopher. Get cart.  NO CARTS!?  Ok. No cart.  Wait in line...45 minutes.....Christopher dancing.  Christopher spinning on the floor.  Christopher pulling his shirt up.  Christopher swinging his leg and kicking the guy in front of us.  Christopher sitting on the floor.  Christopher yelling.  Christopher's mad because he saw someone with french fries.  FINALLY we're up. Get prescriptions.  Get the HECK OUT OF THERE!  Car. Drive. Home.  Get 1 minute away from home and look in back seat to spot a peacefully sleeping little angel.  Get home.  Reverse car into driveway.  Pick up sleeping little angel and carry him to bed.  Blog about how much I hate the pharmacy.... 

Total time of ordeal: 3 HOURS

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Taking a Toddler to Church

Going to church is something that is important to me.  I think it's also important that I bring Christopher along; more for the experience than the fact that he's actually going to get anything out of listening to the sermon!  But it is something that requires careful planning.  Especially if you're 7 months pregnant and can't bend over to pick tiny toys up off of the floor if he drops them mid-service!  It may be a challenge...but it's totally worth it! 

 I love when he gets so excited because the Pastor is talking or because the sun shines through the stained glass windows!  And then there are the memorable moments like this: he's ready to leave and it's the closing hym and he's belting out in the most angelic little voice ...

"ALL DONE!!! BUHH-bye. buh-BYE allllll DOOOOONEEE!!!  All done.  All done. all done.   BUHHHHH-bye" for 4 stanzas of the song and making everyone laugh.  I love it!


Our "CHURCH BAG" includes:
-- Coloring book and *crayons* (markers will be used to turn the wooden pew pretty colors...NOT GOOD!)
-- Magnet toys
-- Suckers ... he only gets them when he's sitting AND it keeps his mouth occupied.  Double Bonus!
-- "Special" Snacks that he only gets in church.
-- Matchbox cars
-- Random bracelets with fun beads from mommy's jewelry box!
-- Hair brush
-- Juice / water
-- Kids books
-- Frog Beanie Baby or anything small that they can grab like that and play "farm". 

NOT THE BEST IDEAS:
-- Stickers (thinking I could actually convince him to only stick them in his coloring book?! HA!!)
-- Crinkly textures book...you don't realize just HOW noisy it is until you're in the middle of Silence & Reflection
-- Koosh ball...what more can I say. It's a ball....balls get thrown.  This particular one got thrown 2 pews ahead of us where 2 adorable old ladies were sitting.  Whoopsies!
-- Any toy that makes noise even if you can turn it off.  Of course they figure out how to turn it on and then that's the ONLY toy they want to play with!
-- Markers. If the pew doesn't get colored, that's great!  But there's also the danger of them getting sniffed and you'll end up spending 10 minutes trying to wipe the blue Hitler mustache off of your little one's face vs. listening to the sermon.  Not that I would know from personal experience...
-- Candy bracelet.  It will get tugged on and you'll be cleaning up tiny candies while trying to keep one hand on a rampant toddler who's hysterical because his nummies are all over the floor.
--Blocks.  Your mini-me gets frustrated easily and if construction doesn't go as planned and that one block won't balance on top; all of the blocks will be up in the air...and in the pew in front of you...and behind you...

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32 Weeks Pregnant!

My feelings:  Excited, nervous, anxious
Weight Gain: From pre-pregnancy weight -- 13 lbs, overall 20 lbs  ( I lost 7 lbs from morning sickness in the beginning)

Ryan's development
:This week he's able to produce sweat! 
: He's able to detect light and open his eyes & I want to try out the flashlight on the belly to see if it makes him move! 
: Sleeps in 40 minute increments
: Developing his lungs and putting on 1/2 lb per week
: Able to detect changes in temperature. Whenever I use the heating pad or drink ice cold water he definitely notices and kicks me! 

I can't wait to meet Ryan.  I was starting to get nervous about the labor / delivery last night, though.  It took me about 1 1/2 hours to fall asleep.  Part of it is because I'm wondering how it will go (and when!) and that I have absolutely no control over it!  So I just had to take a deep breath and say a prayer because I know there's nothing I can do...(but I am still going to try pineapple, spicy foods, excessive walking, and balsamic vinegar once I get closer!!)

Thomas the Tank Engine

Christopher loves Thomas -- I have all of the trains memorized and some of the best expressions!  I love how I've traded hit lyrics for kid's movies quotes   

"Bust my boiler"
"CINDERS and ASHES!"
"Clattering Coaches!"
"Fenders and Fireboxes!!"

"Boons"

         So I uploaded a video of Rob blowing up balloons for Christopher and then Rob and Christopher popping the balloons.  It's truly frustrating how some people can watch it and leave idiotic comments like "Oh how terrible for your children.  You're terrible parents" etc...  Yes.  I'm making videos for my kids to have in the future because I am a terrible mother.  And the 1 beer Rob had in the beginning of the video?!  Yeah. You're right.  He was *COMPLETELY* drunk.  I'm sorry--  but we're not underage minors here!  I don't see anything wrong with having a drink?  And it's not like he was slamming down freakin' beer after beer --- he took ONE SIP OF BEER!   HOLY CRAP!  Somebody call the 5-0.  Love how some people can blow it completely out of proportion and then obviously not watch the entire video... Rob and Christopher had been popping balloons together by sitting on them and whacking them on the ground and Christopher thought it was hilarious.  Well the one time Rob popped a balloon Christopher wasn't too sure what to think.  (Yes... that's my husband being completely hateful.  It's a balloon for heaven's sake and they had been doing it together.)  Christopher had a 5 second re-bound rate and the reason we kept laughing was because we don't want him to be scared of it --- we were trying to show him it was ok!  And my husband and Christopher always play rough together. Keyword: PLAY.  If you don't like how they play with each other --- feel free not to watch!! Anyways...that's just my rant for the idiots who take it the wrong way.  =)  And now I feel better.

Late night

Well of course after resting all day I should know that I wouldn't be able to go to sleep on time!  = ) 
So I'm compiling videos for Youtube.  Just watching Rob and Christopher together in them makes me so grateful for all of the experiences I went through.  It wasn't easy being a single mom or being with somebody who didn't appreciate their own child...but, I know I went through all of that so it would bring Rob, Christopher and I together!  I am so thankful for it!  Who knew God had something so much better in store for me?


Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

 

Monotonous Monday

Exhausted.  This chest congestion just isn't letting up a single bit.  It's getting worse, in fact.  I am so grateful that neither Rob or Christopher have it because it's terrible!  By far the worst cough I've ever had in my life.  My lungs sound "crispy"...that's the only way I can describe it.  Like when you crinkle up a dry leaf?  That's what it sounds like when I breathe.  If my head is reclined at all it sends me into a coughing fit and I'm having rather large chunks of phlegm the size of quarters! EW!  I wish I was a guy so I would be a little better equipped to deal with this loogies.  I ended up puking 3 times this morning =(  Which always makes me feel downright miserable.  So glad hubby has off today and he got up with Christopher this morning.  Mommy got to stay in bed until 10:30!  Longest I've stayed in bed in over a year and a half...crazy! 

Now I'm just sucking down hot apple juice with honey and loading up with Vicks.  Doing homework wrapped up in my blanket.  If I didn't have my guys to look forward to, I would just stay in bed all day!

31 Weeks

We found out on Tuesday that Ryan is definitely not your averaged sized baby!  Right now Ryan is between 4.5 and 5 lbs and approximately 18 1/2 inches long!  Can't believe how off I was at guessing his size!  I'm feeling very huge out in front.  My lower back is killing and my pelvis clicks and grinds when I walk...especially in the morning.  Reeeally attractive.  Yay for baby putting on 1/2 lb per week from now on! 


I'm feeling swamped with everything I have to get done in the day.  Can God just add 2 more hours to the day?  And maybe a little extra shot of energy for me to get it all done?  Dishes. Homework. Laundry. Housework. Cooking.  Potty-training. Sleep. Repeat.  Breathe...

Christopher's newest phrase: "Buhh-bye sun-shhine"  He can't be any more adorable.  It makes up for him stuffing popcorn into my water bottle yesterday!...(which I didn't realize until AFTER I took a big drink and had mushy floaties in my mouth...mmmm.)  Him and daddy were playing today and it was just the sweetest thing to watch.  Rolling around on the floor tickling each other.  Christopher was so concerned when Rob started to fake cry..."Ohhhh noooo!!!  O-K dadd-y?"  Makes me a little nuts because guys are so rough!  But then I remember that my dad was the same way and I would always roll my eyes at my mom...so I just sit back and try to relax  :) 

My boys and their Polack hats!

TUMS = Charley Horses??

It seems my heartburn has a direct correlation to my belly size!  Milk, anything tomato-ey, even water (how crazy!) has been setting off massive bouts of throat burning.  As a result I've been popping down more Tums over the past couple of weeks because it's the only thing that seems to help.  I've also been experiencing more middle-of-the-night leg cramps in my calves which have been pretty uncomfortable.  Until last night...last night was an involuntary, toe-pointing double doozy of a leg cramp in both calves that had me crawling around on all fours, crying for nearly 5 minutes 

                                                                           

=

I was looking up what exactly causes leg cramps / charley horses during pregnancy and found out some interesting things.  Sometimes they're just normal, can't help, baby getting bigger cramps and sometimes they can be caused by taking in too much "un-usable" calcium.  Aka Calcium Phosphate.  Guess what's one of the main ingredients in Tums?!  DING DING DING!  Calcium Phosphate.  Since I haven't been reduced to tears by heartburn (YET!) I've decided to cut back on the Tums and see if the leg cramps improve! 

Lotsa Lotsa Rest

"Lotsa, lotsa rest" is exactly what the Labor & Delivery nurse told me when I called them tonight.  I was putting away some more baby supplies (shampoo and powder) away in Ryan's room when I just felt like...a glob of something.  So I quickly went in the bathroom to find that another chunk of mucous plug came out.  I started freaking out because this one was bigger (about the size of a quarter) and had some brownish tinge to it.  I immediately called L&D and she had me drink a bunch of water and rest while counting contractions; because at the time I was feeling crampy and having Braxton Hicks.  She said baby's moving and that's a good thing and also the plug was tinged brown and not pink or red which would indicate that it's an old bleed.  The Braxton Hicks have stopped so they're not going to have me go in...but they said it's a good thing I already have an appointment with the high risk doctor next week because they would've scheduled me one otherwise.  Hubby says it's because Ryan's just so excited to come out and meet his family!  I agree...he can come early -- just not before 36 weeks.

Is it April 23 yet?

I am SO ready to say "ADIOS!" to these friggin hormones.  They're absolutely terrible and have turned a normally calm and level-headed person into an emotional wreck.  I guess I shouldn't complain so much because I haven't been battling hormones my entire pregnancy (only since the 3rd trimester kicked in!); but, they're still terrible!  Today it was old wine that I dumped out that set me off.  Rob asked where it was and got a little upset that I had dumped it out and I just couldn't handle it and started sobbing uncontrollably and had to go take a bath.  I cried for a good 30 minutes!  AGH!  I am NOT liking this. 

This is what I look like, too!

I'm also stressing because out of the 7 people that I've asked to watch Christopher on the 15th for my high risk appointment in Topeka: 3 are out of town, 1 has family in town, and the other 3 already have their own appointments that day  =(  And the day care on Post doesn't have any openings.  So I guess we'll just have to take him with us!  I'm not sure what else we're supposed to do?!  I can't just not go. Wah.  Oh -- and our rocking chair has a defect and we have to send it back.  That sent me into an emotional meltdown, too!  But thankfully our new one will be here on the 15th...

Now All I Need is the Ice Cream

The house is quiet. Rob's out with a friend from work. Christopher is sleeping.  I'm curled up in our cozy, clean, and re-decorated living room with a blanket around me watching Labor and Delivery Youtube videos.  Crying!  I watched one in particular by GabeandJess -- I think that's right...and I just couldn't help but to shed a few tears!  I know right now 10 weeks seems like far away...and then I stop and think what I was doing 10 weeks ago.  We were getting ready to go home for Christmas.  Then everything seems like it's happening so fast.  It feels like yesterday.  10 weeks from now Ryan will be here.  Christopher will no longer be my only child.  I'll be a mommy of 2!

I'm so excited to have Ryan here.  Everything is set up and ready (including our diaper stash until he's at least 4 months old...no joke!) and I'm so anxious to meet him; but, on the other hand I can't imagine having to split my time with someone other than Christopher.  For the past 2 years he's been my 24/7 life and it scares the hell out of me to think that in 2 months it's all going to be different!  It's really settling in.  I'm getting so nervous!  How am I ever going to get out the door? How is it going to be giving Christopher a bath and then Ryan?  Is he going to sleep through the night? Is he going to have colic?  These are just a few questions that are racing off of the top of my head.  What's he going to look like?  Will he have 10 toes and 10 fingers?  My nose?

In one breath I'm so ready to have him here and be un-pregnant (even though I'm feeling really good this pregnancy.  I don't really even feel that pregnant compared to with Christopher).  And in the other I just feel like he could stay in there forever.  Like maybe we could just freeze time a little bit.  It's been one of those nights.  A sappy, hormonal night and all that's missing is the ice cream!

Busy Busy!

Ahhh we've gotten so busy the past few weeks.  Homework. Potty-training.  Doctor appointments.  I feel like my life is a tornado right now! I will be done with school in the next month (I'm so excited) and we officially have *everything* we need for Ryan.  The last of which will be getting delivered today and tomorrow:

: Baby sling (free w/ promo code!)
: Rocking chair
: Double stroller  (Combi Twin Sport Jade)
: Bottle drying rack  
: Breastfeeding accessories
: 2 boxes diapers
: Baby bath seat

At least I feel on top of things in one department!  I'm getting so anxious to have Ryan here and to finally meet him.  He loves when Rob talks to him --- he moves all around and starts kicking like crazy! 

I just have to share this:  I was just bending over to put a DVD in for Christopher and I hear him say, "OH NO! BUTT!   BUTT!!!  BUTTTT!!!"   and he comes running up to me and starts pulling my pants up in the back.  "I help?  I help mom-ee".  haha.....ohh I love him so much!  

29 weeks pregnant

From http://www.babycenter.com/

Baby Ryan is just a little over 15 inches and weighs around 3 lbs!  Our little munchkin buns is getting so big and we're getting so anxious to meet him.

I'm finally getting slowed down.  Up until the past week this pregnancy hasn't prevented me from doing all of my normal chores and chasing my toddler with (somewhat) ease...but NOW?!  Whew.  Frequent rest breaks for mommy.  Even though he's sitting pretty low still my lungs are starting to get squish-squashed.  Poor Christopher has a hard time sitting on mommy's lap for storytime!

Ryan is still breech (his head is up under my right-side ribs) and he frequently likes to hang out on my right side; as a result I have a very lopsided belly!  It kind of tickles because sometimes his kicking goes almost towards my back. =)